Love - A piece of cake??
The other day I heard a song which had the sentence "Love is a piece of cake and making love is all there is to it......" as part of its lyrics. That set me thinking and here I am putting my thoughts down for you to comment on.
In one of my posts on my blog here, I have tried to explain how fear makes people do the things that they do ,i.e, I have tried to convince the readers of my blog that it is fear that makes the world go around. A lot of people probably would not agree with that. Especially those who believe that it is love and/or money that makes the world go around. A lot has been said about the word love.... there are thousands of books written with the love as their theme and numerous movies, songs, poems , etc. written on this subject. People seem to become mad on falling in love (ever heard the phrase - madly in love?) and even wage wars for the sake of love. I really don't think it is love that makes the world go round but still would love to talk about it here today.
I sometimes wonder as to what is love all about? Is it some kind of feeling or emotion that one feels for someone or is it a state of mind? Someone once described it to me as a kind of chemical reaction in a human's brain (I am sure other lifeforms experience love too but lets just stick to us humans for the time being)! All of us seem to have our own definitions of love and it seems to be changing as we pass through different stages in our life. As a child, we use the word universally to define our liking for any humans around us but as we grow older we begin to use the word sparingly and for only a few select people around us. During that stage in our lives when we are transitioning from childhood to adulthood ( i.e during our teen years ) we seem to be very "large hearted" and seem to be falling in love with a new person every second day! When I was in my teens I saw this happen to a lot of my friends. I myself took the liberty of falling in love a few times during my teen years (a couple of the objects of my desire happened to be beautiful film starlets of the film industry) and every experience added to the confusion I had in my mind about the nature of love. I noticed that when someone fell in love with a member of the opposite sex (yeah..I think all my friends are straight!) this feeling for that person lasted only for as long as the "other party" responded either positively to the first one or till the time the one in love didn't know that the "other party" was not really interested. If the object of desire did not respond positively to the "first party", the first party, in a lot of the cases, did not want to have anything further to do with their objects of desire. Although this behaviour pattern is less prevalent in adults there are certain aspects of love that still make me wonder.
I am of the firm opinion that most of us love ourselves more than we love anybody else. To elucidate, let us take the example of a man who, as he is claiming, loves a woman. If you ask him why he loves that woman, he could give you a host of reasons for that and some of them could be : she is very good looking, very caring, very understanding, very supportive about everything he does ......... to cut it short, she is everything that he wants his woman to be (give or take a few qualities). This friend of ours, who claims that he loves his woman, actually does so because she has all those qualities that he would like to see in his woman. And if you notice, these are all those qualities which are actually meant to make HIM happier rather than anybody else. When she is : good looking - she is pleasing to HIS eyes, very caring - she is caring for HIM, very understanding - she understands HIM more than anybody else does, etc. So you see, at the end it is all about HIM rather than her. The same is probably applicable to a lady being in love with a gentleman.
When people talk about love, they often mention the names of the couples that seem to have set a 'benchmark' for all lovers, like Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnu, Heer and Ranja, etc. These couples, according to one of my friends, seem to have had "true" love for each other. When I asked this friend of mine why "true" love, I got an answer that since in each case they gave up their lives for the sake of love they gave the ultimate sacrifice and hence proved it to the whole world that it was true love.
I was once asked a question about the nature of love and what exactly is "true" love. It has been quite sometime since I tried to give a satisfactory answer to this question to my friend and am going to try and put together my answer in writing here. As far as I can say, love in its base form is the same, be it for your spouse, children, parents, friends, etc. It is the way in which love is expressed and is manifested are different at each stage in a human being's life. For eg., a child might show love for his/her sibling(s) by sharing things with them, grown ups might express the love they feel for each other in a host of different ways - by giving each other gifts on special occasions,by making love to each other (and by "making love" I mean exactly what the two words together mean and NOT sex. You can either make love to your partner or you can have plain sex with them... I am sure all of you understand the difference between the two.). But the nature of love remains the same in whatever context you look at it. Coming to "true" love : As far as I am concerned there is nothing called false love. Love, if it really exists, is always true. A lot of people differentiate between 'true' and 'false' love by the absence or presence of physical intimacy between the partners, respectively. I find this ridiculous. I believe that when two people are in love, it is natural for them to make love to each other. Human beings have been made in such a manner that physical intimacy between two of them in love is a natural culmination of the feelings that they have for each other. Again, please note that I have used the words 'love making' and NOT sex.
As far as i am concerned, you really love someone only when you do not expect anything in return from them. If you really do love someone, then you would go out of your way to make sure that the person you love is happy and that it remains that way no matter what kind of sacrifices you have to make for that to happen. This is the kind of love that I would call 'true' love. Some of us would also call this kind of love unconditional love. But for me, love, in its purest form, is always unconditional.
And before I end this one......here is something to read and remember:
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
In one of my posts on my blog here, I have tried to explain how fear makes people do the things that they do ,i.e, I have tried to convince the readers of my blog that it is fear that makes the world go around. A lot of people probably would not agree with that. Especially those who believe that it is love and/or money that makes the world go around. A lot has been said about the word love.... there are thousands of books written with the love as their theme and numerous movies, songs, poems , etc. written on this subject. People seem to become mad on falling in love (ever heard the phrase - madly in love?) and even wage wars for the sake of love. I really don't think it is love that makes the world go round but still would love to talk about it here today.
I sometimes wonder as to what is love all about? Is it some kind of feeling or emotion that one feels for someone or is it a state of mind? Someone once described it to me as a kind of chemical reaction in a human's brain (I am sure other lifeforms experience love too but lets just stick to us humans for the time being)! All of us seem to have our own definitions of love and it seems to be changing as we pass through different stages in our life. As a child, we use the word universally to define our liking for any humans around us but as we grow older we begin to use the word sparingly and for only a few select people around us. During that stage in our lives when we are transitioning from childhood to adulthood ( i.e during our teen years ) we seem to be very "large hearted" and seem to be falling in love with a new person every second day! When I was in my teens I saw this happen to a lot of my friends. I myself took the liberty of falling in love a few times during my teen years (a couple of the objects of my desire happened to be beautiful film starlets of the film industry) and every experience added to the confusion I had in my mind about the nature of love. I noticed that when someone fell in love with a member of the opposite sex (yeah..I think all my friends are straight!) this feeling for that person lasted only for as long as the "other party" responded either positively to the first one or till the time the one in love didn't know that the "other party" was not really interested. If the object of desire did not respond positively to the "first party", the first party, in a lot of the cases, did not want to have anything further to do with their objects of desire. Although this behaviour pattern is less prevalent in adults there are certain aspects of love that still make me wonder.
I am of the firm opinion that most of us love ourselves more than we love anybody else. To elucidate, let us take the example of a man who, as he is claiming, loves a woman. If you ask him why he loves that woman, he could give you a host of reasons for that and some of them could be : she is very good looking, very caring, very understanding, very supportive about everything he does ......... to cut it short, she is everything that he wants his woman to be (give or take a few qualities). This friend of ours, who claims that he loves his woman, actually does so because she has all those qualities that he would like to see in his woman. And if you notice, these are all those qualities which are actually meant to make HIM happier rather than anybody else. When she is : good looking - she is pleasing to HIS eyes, very caring - she is caring for HIM, very understanding - she understands HIM more than anybody else does, etc. So you see, at the end it is all about HIM rather than her. The same is probably applicable to a lady being in love with a gentleman.
When people talk about love, they often mention the names of the couples that seem to have set a 'benchmark' for all lovers, like Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnu, Heer and Ranja, etc. These couples, according to one of my friends, seem to have had "true" love for each other. When I asked this friend of mine why "true" love, I got an answer that since in each case they gave up their lives for the sake of love they gave the ultimate sacrifice and hence proved it to the whole world that it was true love.
I was once asked a question about the nature of love and what exactly is "true" love. It has been quite sometime since I tried to give a satisfactory answer to this question to my friend and am going to try and put together my answer in writing here. As far as I can say, love in its base form is the same, be it for your spouse, children, parents, friends, etc. It is the way in which love is expressed and is manifested are different at each stage in a human being's life. For eg., a child might show love for his/her sibling(s) by sharing things with them, grown ups might express the love they feel for each other in a host of different ways - by giving each other gifts on special occasions,by making love to each other (and by "making love" I mean exactly what the two words together mean and NOT sex. You can either make love to your partner or you can have plain sex with them... I am sure all of you understand the difference between the two.). But the nature of love remains the same in whatever context you look at it. Coming to "true" love : As far as I am concerned there is nothing called false love. Love, if it really exists, is always true. A lot of people differentiate between 'true' and 'false' love by the absence or presence of physical intimacy between the partners, respectively. I find this ridiculous. I believe that when two people are in love, it is natural for them to make love to each other. Human beings have been made in such a manner that physical intimacy between two of them in love is a natural culmination of the feelings that they have for each other. Again, please note that I have used the words 'love making' and NOT sex.
As far as i am concerned, you really love someone only when you do not expect anything in return from them. If you really do love someone, then you would go out of your way to make sure that the person you love is happy and that it remains that way no matter what kind of sacrifices you have to make for that to happen. This is the kind of love that I would call 'true' love. Some of us would also call this kind of love unconditional love. But for me, love, in its purest form, is always unconditional.
And before I end this one......here is something to read and remember:
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
One of my favourite poems
ReplyDeleteTo Electra
I DARE not ask a kiss,
I dare not beg a smile,
Lest having that, or this,
I might grow proud the while.
No, no, the utmost share
Of my desire shall be
Only to kiss that air
That lately kissed thee.
Robert Herrick was a monk or a Vicar to be more precise. Is devotion to god the highest form of love ?
quite interesting, Nilesh!! but, I have a slightly different opinion. There is nothing called "unconditional" love. If you are showing/expressing that form of love, it's because you are getting something back - happiness, satisfaction, maybe the same feelings in return, etc.
ReplyDeleteTake for instance the queston posed by Murari - is devotion to god the highest form of love? Definitely, yes. The next logical question would be, why are some choosing that path? is it not for getting something back - enlightment, salvation, mukti from the cycle of birth, death and re-birth??
Do they set out on this path expecting what the end is or in anticipation of what the end is? Or do they only get to the end having walked that path?
Aditya